SUNDAYS WITH SHAVEL
SUNDAYS WITH SHAVEL
Episode 2: Letting Go What Hurts with Shanna Robins-Donnell
In today’s episode, I am joined by a master social worker who shared the details of her personal life story of parental abandonment, foster care, drug addiction, and personal breakthrough. To be the person she envisioned herself to be, she had to go through a lot of something. Although experiencing a life filled with adversity, she refused to let deep hardship stop her from overcoming. I invite you to listen to the heartfelt real-life twists and turns shared by master social worker Shanna Robins-Donnell in today’s episode. Consider your own history and its influence in your life today. Enjoy the show!
Helpful Resources
Assessing and Addressing the Needs of Former Foster Youth in a College Setting: https://eric.ed.gov/?id=ED576070
Cultivating Growth After Trauma: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/post-traumatic-growth#cultivating-growth-after-trauma
Foster Care Alumni and Higher Education: A Descriptive Study of Post-secondary Achievements of Foster Youth in Texas: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10560-018-0569-x
No Pain, No Gain (Betty Wright): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KZG3O5sWrU
Students in Foster Care: https://www2.ed.gov/about/inits/ed/foster-care/index.html
The Pain of Trauma: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/expressive-trauma-integration/201902/the-pain-trauma
We all Have A Story: A Social Worker’s “Thank You”: https://www.socialworker.com/feature-articles/practice/we-all-have-a-story-a-social-workers-thank-you/
Why Are Memories of My Past Trauma Coming Back Now?: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/why-are-memories-of-my-past-trauma-coming-back-now-0518155
Why I Became A Social Worker: https://www.theguardian.com/social-care-network/2016/mar/15/why-i-became-a-social-worker
Why Social Work? Professionals Reveal Their Reasons for Choosing This Career Path: https://www.brandman.edu/news-and-events/blog/why-social-work
Credits
Host: Dr. Sherece Shavel
Theme Narration: Ronald Coaxum
Guest 1: Social Worker, Shanna Robins-Donnell, contact by email: srobins2003@gmail.com
Connect with me through email. Send messages to: ssinspiredcast@gmail.com
Welcome to Sundays with Chevelle a social work inspired podcast with creator and host Dr. Shariece Chevelle. This is my monthly show where each episode aims to inspire topics relevant to social work, brightest growing forward, living on purpose and so much more. Thank you for tuning in. Enjoy the show.
Speaker 2:Reading Sunday listeners. I am your host, Dr. Shariece Chevelle. Thank you for tuning in. I welcome you to episode two, letting go. What hurts with Shanna Robbins dot? Now today's episode emphasizes the value of adversity, resilience, forgiveness, and unwavering determination. When I think about the conversation that makes up this episode, I can't help, but to recall the repeated refrain heard growing up, no pain, no gain. Now this phrase was repeated as like a broken record. Once the sofa, RNB songwriter and songstress Betty Wright released her album titled no pain, no gain in 1988. This song was played everywhere. When I say everywhere, I mean, everywhere and listening to this song was like sitting down and listening to your grandmother or your great-grandmother talk to you about the issues of life. So as the song near to the end, you hear Betty Wright sing in order to get something, you got to give something in order to be something you got to go through something. Now, now that's, that's a drop the mic for you right there. I mean, I'm for real, that's the trap, the mic for you right there. Those words are so powerful, so meaningful, and they are, they are so true. So what this song represents is in an evitable reality of life, and that is struggle. We all have a battle in life to fight well, truth, be told it's bad holes to fight. In other words, you know, it's impossible to go through life without experiencing struggle. It's just not possible. Any kind of adversity though, it's uncomfortable, it's frustrating and it can be overwhelming. And that's also true. But what matters is how you in the saving grace is knowing that the experience is only temporary. And then when you get to the other side of adversity, you are the more wiser and all the more inclined to live life on purpose. And that is what matters. The challenges we face in life are intended to cause us to become mentally, emotionally, physically, as well as spiritually strong, they are intended to help us reach the fullness of maturity. And that is to grow from being a child, to being an adult. And everybody needs to go through that growth process. So to spend the energy and time to avoid ignore high or run away from life's challenges is, is essentially to say, well, I don't want to grow. I don't want to become mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually mature. Well, if that's you, then this episode may not be for you. The person you will hear from today is a master social worker with a history that involves parental abandonment and abuse, foster care drug addiction, as well as courage to stand against and beat the odds with this description. It should be clear that deep hardship and danger was a pervasive reality for an extended time in this person's life. But as you will hear in this interview today, she proved to have the will to survive my guests. Master's social worker, Shanna Robins Donnelle is the lead regional case manager at heart of Texas region MHMR Claris center for families. Full disclosure. Shanna is a former student of mine, and I encouraged her to share her story. I encouraged her from the very moment. I heard the details of her story. I should say some details of her story because this interview brought out more, but I encouraged her to share her story. And even after the interview concluded, I encouraged her to continue sharing her story because her life story is valuable. Her interview was previously recorded and it was previously recorded with minimal interruption. So without delay Linda ear to this real life story of a social worker by a social worker, I will meet you at the conclusion of this interview.
Speaker 3:How are you doing good. Glad to see you. I'm glad to see you. Thanks so much for taking
Speaker 2:Out the time to talk with me today. I'm so excited to have you, you, my friend, you have a story, you have a story that really needs to be told, and I'm so thankful that you are going to take the opportunity today to share a little bit about your story. I have heard some pieces of your story, but of course I haven't heard everything. So I'm excited to hear not only the things that I already know, but I'm also excited to hear what I don't know. So with that being said, I know that your childhood experience is quite unique. You were a child in foster care. That's correct. Yes. Ma'am. What were the circumstances that led to you entering into foster care?
Speaker 3:At the time that I went into foster care, I didn't know what I know today in the nineties, when I went in, she was active in her drug addiction. I had some behavior problems going on. It was hard from my mom, you know, to, to take care of me, a deal with the demons that she had going on, that she hadn't dealt with. She thought she did go by sending me to my biological fathers, which was in a whole different state. So I'm from up north. I came to Texas in the early nineties and met my biological father. You know, first time I, I, I never knew who was, I didn't know what he looked like. I didn't know anything about him, you know, was living with them our now maybe about 30 days, 45. I try not to think too much about that timeframe. I've let go of it. Multiple hours. Therapy's helped me let go of the stuff that hurts and, um, local public school that I was attending. They had the program counselors in schools. And, uh, it was one of those individuals, counselors. I didn't know what they were at the time, but they knew that something, something wasn't right. And so they spent some time just talking to me and I let them know what my dad had been doing. I knew what he had been doing. Wasn't right. But I also knew I couldn't go back to my mom that wasn't right. And I couldn't go to my Hantz done, been there. And so I really didn't have anywhere to go. When they found out what all was going on. CPS case worker came to the school, uh, investigator, I told her what all was going on. And she immediately put me into emergency foster home. They called it it's a couple days later had a court hearing those who are familiar with McLennan county, they know judge bill Loeb. So he was my judge for the longest time. I speak specifically about that. The circumstances that led to me, Henry, because the CPS investigator, she did her job contacted my biological mom. Let my mom know that there had been some traumatic stuff that had happened and that I was an emergency foster home placement that I could stay there until she could make it to Texas, you know, to pick me up so that I could go home. The response, my mom really hurt at the time. And for many, many years, I just, I did not understand why she responded the way she did. And it was bill Lowe. Judge, bill Lowe, judge bill Lowe pulled me into his chambers and he showed me this fax that he came through. My mom had a sign, the bottom part of my birth certificate, where my feet were stamped. Uh, she signed it. Then she couldn't be my mom and that she just wanted to be my friend and sign the paper and had it notarized. And that was how she told the judge that she couldn't come to Texas. So the judge pulled me in his chambers and talked to me and there was other people there. It wasn't just me and him. And, uh, so that's when I found out that my mom chose her addiction over a BMI mom. And I knew my dad, like there was no way I was going to go back to him. And so my parents became the state of Texas. I, God, I had so many caseworkers. So many social workers is what, you know, where your social worker, but so many of them that just came in and they they'd be there for so many months. And then gone, you know, judge, bill Loeb, he stuck around. He was always there. I knew that whenever, uh, we had a court hearing, I always knew that it didn't matter what the case worker, they would show up and say, Hey, we're your caseworker right now. We're going to transport you to Waco. And I get to see, you know, I was happy because he was a constant, how many
Speaker 2:Foster care placements did you have to experience?
Speaker 3:I can tell you, they, my high school transcript showed 17 different schools. And I remember a college registered registrar, always struggled, pronounced that. I remember them laughing, you know, cause I was laughing. I was like, yeah, here's my, you know, five page college transcripts, you know? And you're like just looking at a, I was like, why would you need that? You know, so I can get into college. I've been all over, uh, Houston spraying, little, anybody plays called Lomita, Texas amazing, uh, emergency foster home shelter. I stayed there. A lot of those places, they just moved me from different places. Um, and I, I don't know, probably when I was 16, I finally started calming down and started letting go that resentment, that anger that I had towards my parents, you know, and, and realizing all that, that I was holding on to all that, that hurt that, that pain, um, that was only hurting me. And that was hindering my growth.
Speaker 2:When you about pain and you know, you not being well at that time, what was the pain that you were holding onto? Was it the pain of being in foster care? Was it the pain of having a mother who signed on your birth certificate? I just want to be your friend. What was the pain? Um,
Speaker 3:It wasn't pain, a little bit of everything that was the pain of not having, not having my mom, not having my dad. You know, my mom, my dad, uh, to go to the, uh, emergency foster home that I went to, you know, I spoke about, I actually got to go back there another time because they were moving me and I asked them, I was like, can I go back to my old foster parents? And they were like, we don't know if they have a bed available and it's a short term. They only take emergencies. And I'm like, well, why am I an emergency? You know? And, uh, so I got to go back there, but the pain, you know, my, my sweet 16, I didn't, I didn't have a sweet 16. I had to tell the people, Hey, you know, today's my birthday. And just different things, you know, like prepare them for high school prompts. I didn't get to do that. You know? Uh, it wasn't until my 11th grade year, I was in Lomita and this woman had came in. And the way that the place is set up is you get to see when visitors come in and out, it really small up, you know, who this woman had came in and was talking to the staff, the administrators and whatnot. And one of my dorm mate was getting adopted by her. We were really good friends because I told her, I said, you know, I was like, tell her that you can't go. Unless I go, you know, and I was like, throw a fit, do something. And she's like, I can't do that. And I was like, just tell her, just tell her you can't go. Unless I go. And we were really good friends and she went ahead, she told her and the foster mom decided to take me in her. And so that was my first time that I actually got to experience living in a home. And I remember going to bill Lowe telling him, he's like, so how things go? And I said, I'm not in Lomita no more. He's like, where are you at? Well, I didn't know, a town could get smaller than low meetup, but I found it and he started laughing. He's like, whoa, tell me about the town. And I'm like, it's Carlton, Carrollton, Harry pronounce it. There's two in Texas. Uh, there's an RNL L added to one of them. I was in the smallest one and it was south of, uh Heico and also close to, um, Dublin, Texas. And, uh, so anyways, judge bill Lowe was just listening to me talk and everything and had no idea. Uh, I had no idea that he knew where I was because the case worker did their job and was like, well, she's been moved she's in her foster home. And, but he acted like he didn't know you listen, you know, he's like, well, that's good. While being in that foster home, I ended up getting my first ever job, working at a dairy queen in Dublin. So that was really cool. Didn't like the school that I went to the 11th grade, but I did get to go to prom that was cold. And, uh, the girl that came along, she wasn't doing too good, you know, having some behavioral issues and whatnot. And she ended up having to go back into acute care and the foster mom, um, she was a single mom and decided she didn't want to be a foster mom anymore. So she let me know that my behavior had been good, but she didn't want to be a foster mom anymore. And that I was going to have to go be somewhere else. And I had gotten so used to, and I didn't like the school that I had to go to school in. Heico because the town I lived in was so small. I went back to judge lo am I dude, I'm fixing to be 17. I'm tired of moving. I'm tired of changing schools in a couple months, I'm going to finish being a junior and I'm going to be a senior semi close awake. And I remember him telling me me, and I don't know, I don't want you to run away. I was like, dude, it's going to go down one or two ways, send me post the Waco. And I won't run away or emancipate me today. And we're done where you emancipated. Uh, he actually, he actually told me, he said, man, do you understand what that means? And I was like, yeah, I ain't got to deal with y'all no more, you know? And uh, he said, no, there's so much more is I, can you just stay to your 18? And uh, I told him, I was like, you know what? I'll stay until I'm 18. If you can get me close, awake, that's all I ask. That's all I asked, get me close to Waco, find somewhere, you know? Um, because that's where I originated from. That's, that's where I entered the system at, was through the Waco CPS, you know, just give me back where I began, but not where I began type thing, you know? And he's like, I don't know, but I'll see what I can do. And I was like, it's two options. What happened?
Speaker 2:Did, did you receive emancipation? No,
Speaker 3:I did not receive emancipation. The caseworker I had at the time did a really good job, found a, uh, residential treatment center in RTC in Bruceville, Eddy, which, uh, is right outside of Waco. So it was pretty close, um, that had a bed available and was willing to let me come. And, um, it's no longer open. I know that I know that much. They shut their doors down, which sucks. But, but no, I got, I got moved and they moved me during the summertime. And so when my senior year started up, I, uh, enrolled into brutaful Eddy high school. I remember, uh, the director of the facility that I was at. He said, you know, we've got this thing, you know, you're 17 and whatnot. We're going to let you stay until you're 18. And if you can do good behavior wise, you did get over the summer. We'll let you go to public school. And I'm like, so I don't have to go to school at the RTC. Is that what I'm hearing? And he said, yeah. And I was like, okay. I was like, how long do I have to do y'all's school on campus? And he said, six weeks, if you can do good for six weeks, then we'll let you go for so long. I had done, um, you know, RTCs and Hy-Ko, I hated that school. Um, Bruce bladdy was a small school and, and I wanted to try it. I wanted to be a Saint, you know? And so I did good. I did what I was supposed to. And six weeks into my senior year, I, uh, got to go to public school. I got to walk down the school hallways. Um, I got to ride a school bus, you know, I got to be a normal kid. Pretty fun.
Speaker 2:We'll talk about your transition out of foster care. What was life like for you?
Speaker 3:My birthday is a national holiday and all government agencies are closed on my birthday. Okay.
Speaker 2:Now I'm curious. What is this birthday?
Speaker 3:Uh, my birthday is July 4th. Awesome. Birthday. Wonderful. Yes. So, uh, my case worker came to me on July 3rd and she's like, so I'm talking to be at work tomorrow and I'm like, yep. The government shuts down from birthdays. So yeah. And she goes, but you can't leave until tomorrow. And I'll say, okay, you know, and she goes, but I wanted to come and bring you just some, some gifts for your birthday. And she gave me a nice outfit, job interview type outfit that I could wear, you know, going out, looking for jobs and a$2,000 check. It was a trust fund. The local law firm had been saving money, you know, for a handful of kids in foster care. So when they turned 18, they would get the trust fund check and have some money. And this law firm had saved$2,000 and it was written to me. And so July 4th, everybody's getting drunk. And I had$2,000 and not really a knew where to go. I had some friends from school that I had met up with and I had a boyfriend that let me come, stay with them. And, um, so
Speaker 2:Is this your transition? Cause I know at some point in your life you began to abuse drugs. So is this your transition into that point in time in your life?
Speaker 3:Yeah. That$2,000, um, bottle, a lot of alcohol and a lot of, uh, illegal substances. I hit the gate running. I love having a 4th of July birthday. I love it. It's the best, but I'm not so thankful for having a 4th of July birthday. But then again, I honestly don't think that it would've made a difference. Whether I was born on a, a normal day or a national holiday, I don't think it would've made a difference. The group of people that I was hanging out with at the time, wasn't the best I had no mentors. I had no one to call after hours. I had no one to call on the weekends. And when I turned 18, I had no CPS case worker.
Speaker 2:So what led you down this path of substance use?
Speaker 3:You know, not having a solid home. I turned 18 and I thought, I thought that I could go to my dad's and it wouldn't be what it was and he never skipped a beat. You know? Um, the only differences is I grew up, I thought I could call my mom up and Hey, I'm 18. I ain't got to worry about feeding me and stuff like that. I'm an adult now. She was still active in her, you know, drug of choice. And, um, still at that time, when I called her, like, I didn't know that my mom was an alcoholic. I just thought she didn't care. I did not know it wasn't until years later that I found out that my mom was an alcoholic. I honestly thought she drank Kool-Aid. I mean, I didn't, I didn't know her Kool-Aid was. And when I left, you know, when I left her house, when I was 12 years old, like I, I didn't know, I wasn't around her, you know? And she didn't, she visited me one time while I was in, in the system, got into an abusive relationship with the father of my, I have three children and, uh, two of them have the same father. Their dad was abusive. We both did drugs together. You know? So what led me to lots of drug abuse. Wasn't one particular thing. I can't say well it's because my mom didn't mom or my dad did this. It was just a list of things. And some hurts. I didn't let go of, I was still holding on to them because those were my hurts. And you can take those away. No caseworker could take those groups away. No therapist, no judge, no staff at a RTC. They couldn't take those hurts away. And I had some kind of control that they could take my home. They could take my friends by telling me that I had to pack my bags because I was being transferred to another facility, but they couldn't take the hurt. So yeah, it was just everything. February of 2003, after working a couple jobs and I cashed my income tax check and it was$1,500, super proud of myself, you know, went and bought a bunch of electronics, got into another physical altercation with my baby's daddy, a police officer at the time told me he's like, Shannon, I know what you're doing. I know you've been doing. And I know you're better than that. And I was like, man, you don't know nothing. He's like, no, I do. We all do. We all know what you've been doing. And we know that you're better than that change your ways before it's too late. And I was like, whatever, you know, and went on and got out of his sight and everything emptied my pockets out is by all means, I definitely could have done some jail time and uh, went home. And I, I remember, um, watching TV and just kind of thinking about everything. And I was like, maybe he's right. But then I was like, maybe he's wrong. And I remember, uh, driving to the dope house and buying an insane amount of methamphetamines and headed home. And so I don't really remember about two weeks of February, 2003. I remember the, the police officer and I remember driving to the dope house, but that's about it. Next thing I remember was being woke up, VM woke up because I could see my body. I could see the medics. I could see everybody, you know, and just hearing stuff and out of body experience, I just, I remember phyllo warm and I remember feeling cold. And I remember seeing just darkness and stars and everything and me saying, no, no, I'm not done. Like I'm not done. I'm not done. I don't want to die. Send me back and not knowing how to get back, but no one did. I didn't want the coal, the limp. I didn't want the warm feeling, waking up. And the medic saying you're with us, stay March 1st, the 2003, I swore I would never touch a drug again because some mouth there has plans for me and something out there didn't fight me. When I, when I fought it, telling it I'm not done, there is something greater than me. And did not mind when I threw an all out wall, I believe, yes. I did go into a drug rehab to go through a detox program. I went to local university. They has dorms, which is going to say it that much. And, uh, went to the university. And I had a friend that was a college student and they, um, let me sneak into their dorm. And I detoxed inside the men's dorm. I deed, I chose to detox there because it was a safe place. That friend did not do drugs. They drank, but very little, uh, they were a social drink. You know, they didn't have a problem. And alcohol has never been my problem. Um, it was a hardcore drugs. There's really, truly not one hardcore drug out there that I hadn't to. Um,
Speaker 2:This is your point of transition. You transitioning into recovery. What was that transition like
Speaker 3:Early? Every was rough because I didn't have a cell phone. I had a pager. I remember my first sponsor telling me, like, you can't talk in a pager. It's not how pagers were negative cell phone. I'm like, well, you got to have a job to get a cell phone to pay the bill. I can't do everything at once. You know, because when I was, and the end of my active addiction, I quit the job. My sponsor went out and got me. One of those pay as you go phones, you know, were you put so many minutes on it, you can call out. But if you don't put money on it, you can't call out. And I was like, why, why are you doing it this way? She goes, so you can call me. Okay. Being with her really helped a lot. You know, um, being in the 12 step fellowship really, really helped a lot surrounding myself around people who cared, you know, and, and just really changing the people. Do people. I hung out with the places that really helped a lot, surrounded myself around positive people. And that's what led me in recovery. And it's literally just been one day at a time from there steadily coming up. And that I do not want to look at my body again and have medics. I do not want to have a fight begging to come back. And I sure do not want to go the other way, the cold way. I don't want,
Speaker 2:How did you come to the point of wanting to be a socialist worker?
Speaker 3:Every so many years, I get a therapist. I had a individual counselor individual therapist. And when I say every so many years, I get a therapist, I do it because I ready to let go of that. When I know that I cannot let go of all my own, because there's some things that I need, someone that just helped me process through. And, and there was some hurt that I was dealing with and it was re triggering some past trauma that I had let go of. And so I knew that I needed to call out the professionals. So I was seeing this counselor, we were talking, we'd been, I'd been seeing her for about a year. And she told me, she said, I'm going to be going on vacation soon. And so I just want to let you know, I want to be out of the office for awhile. I'll be back. And I was like, what am I supposed to do while you're gone? And she's like, you'll be good. I'm not going to be gone long. You know, if you need anybody, you can call this person. And it was like, uh, everybody has backups. Right. You know? Yeah. I don't even know that person not happening while you're going on vacation. You know, she come back and she's like, so I see that you didn't have call that. You know, the other person, I was like, you know, I, I was good and I did this and I, you know, went to meetings and I use myself here that, you know, I'll learn and whatever. And, uh, anyways on toss, I was doing some thinking, what are you trained in? Like, what are you? And she's like, what do you mean? I was like, well, you're really good. What are you? She's like, uh, I'm a social worker. I was like, are you bleeping serious? I hated social workers. Why didn't you tell me that in the beginning? Like, I can't even, I'm done. She's like, no, no, no, stay with me. I was so mad. I was like, why didn't you tell me? She's like, well, you've known all along now. I did it. She's like, what do you think those certificates are up on the wall? I don't know what LCSW is. She's like, okay, let me tell you what it, LCSW is licensed clinical social worker. I was like, nah, I don't need you. I don't need a social worker. They don't care. I'm where I'm at. Because of social workers, they don't care. You know? And she's like, no, that's a CPS case. I was like, oh, so not all social workers that are that way. She's like, no social workers can work everywhere. They don't have to just work for CPS. And I was like, social workers change CPS. She's like, what do you mean? And so we started having a conversation about how I hated CPS. I couldn't stand the department of family protective services. Very, very few people within CPS. Can I sit there and say, okay, they're good. They're good. They're good, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. They don't care. They don't, you know, clean office and, uh, doing the way she, you know, this went on for a couple of weeks and she's like, okay, I'm fixing to go on vacation. I'm like, really, dude, you just got back from vacation. She said, I'm going to give you some homework. And I won't be gone for 30 days. You'll have well, enough time to do the homework. When I get back, we're going to go from there. I said, what do you mean? She's like, well, I'm going to be retiring. I was like, okay, you're the one on vacation. You're retiring. We're actually really breaking ground. Like really doing good. I'm starting to like, get this new perspective on what social workers are. And now what now you're telling me you're retiring. Like, no, she gave me a homework. And the homework was, I had to go to the local community college and dust off my school transcripts because I hated bold in college. Shortly after I got out of foster care, my drug addiction, I wasn't completely gone. So I enrolled in college. She's like, no, I want you to go and talk to them. Find out what you're good at. She goes, I think that you could be good at helping people. I think you should work in the health profession. Okay. You know, so I went to MCC. That's where my college transcript was. I was like, Hey, how you doing? Uh, I'm gonna need you to go there. Microfish and dust off my transcript. Cause what do you need to see about me coming back to school while we're at it? Can we get ahold of financial aid? And I need some money. I don't know what I want to be, but let's do this. And she was like, y'all, don't know what you mean by microfish just go find my transcripts please is so she brings it back and she's like, here you go. And so I sat down with this advisor, we looked over everything and she's like, he knows a lot of the classes you took were geared around mental health. Did you realize that? I was like, no, I don't even really remember the late nineties or early two thousands. It's all fog is anything salvageable. She's like, yeah, we can piece together something. I was like, okay, what's your thinking about this? She's like, well, first I want to send you over here and go talk to this mental health advisor, go talk to them and then just kind of go from there. So I was like, okay. So I go over and this is all still MCC. Right. And I talked to them and uh, while I was there, there was a knock on the, and income's has got, and I look at them, I'm like, dude, I know you. And he's like, I was like, you used to work at Waco center for youth man. Awesome staff member. Yeah. I was like, you weren't there between this time and this time, didn't you. And he's like, yeah, what's good for you. And I'm like, look, not a stalker. I'm just saying that I used to live there. Why you were there, you were amazing. And I was like, what are you doing here? He's like, I'm a professor. Like it was social work, mental health. I was like, are you an LCSW? He said, yes, I am. I was like, yeah. You mean to tell me that I could be a professor? Hey, got to work for CPS. I can change the system. That way I can change the students before they even get out there in the field and make them think different. Okay. I got to go back. So I grab my transcript and I take off rushing out of there. Right. And then call my counselor who's in and her, like, I know what I gotta do. I know what I want to do. You got to get back. We got to talk, you know, and I'm leaving this voicemail. She doesn't answer. And I'm like, whatever. And so I call again, she got the answer and I'm like, Ugh. So I call again. She doesn't answer. And I, I'm not like stalking, not back to back call. Right. You know, there's like some timeframe. Yeah. And finally I'm like, fine. I'll call that backup counseling. Right. This is a crisis. Like someone needs to know this. Right. As I called and I'm like, hello, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, yeah, I'm so-and-so's client. And I know she's in Italy and I know she's not answering the phone, but I know what I need to do. And I know what I want to do. And she just needs to answer the phone. She's like, I she's out of the country. What is it that you want to do? Is everything okay? And so I let her know, because I don't want to become a social worker. And she's like, I'll let her know. And I'm like, that's not the answer I need. She's like, well, what do you mean? I was like, nevermind. Cause I knew she didn't, she didn't know. She didn't know my problem with social work because I didn't tell her. But that's when I knew that I wanted to be an LCSW. You know, I had a different perspective. It wasn't just CPS caseworkers. It was counselors. I could be a professor. So I went ahead back to the register and I'm like, Hey, we got to make this happen. I need help. And she's like goes hard to the financial aid. So I ran the financial aid and she's like, well, do you know that you locked in something when you came in the early nineties? And I was like, what are you talking about? She's like, you're an adult foster child. You locked in. And the exemption grant, I was like, okay. And she said, I have this foster care exemption grant. And she's like, what it does is it covers the cost of college, tuition and books. She said, yeah, all you have to do is enroll. When do you want to start? I was like yesterday, you know, she's like, well, there's some paperwork I need to do to get, you know, get everything set up, whatever. She's like, we're going to set you up with a counselor and then just kind of makes sure that you're okay. You know, is there anything that you need and stuff like that. It's like, okay, you know, this was in 2013. So the fall of 2013, I returned back to MCC with classes from the nineties. It was still good. And I passed them and added it to my degree plan. So it was pretty awesome. It was cool learning about things in 2013 that I had experienced in the late nineties. And it was also cool understanding why mental health professionals do what they did and acted the way they acted and why they didn't answer the phone at 10 o'clock at night when I was in a crisis, why they didn't answer the phone on the weekends because they had a life. They practice self care, at least I hope they did. And so I was intrigued. I was like, I need to know I had some personal things going on in my life. And so I missed the graduation requirement for one of my classes by one paper. I didn't write that one paper. And so the professor was like, I'm sorry, you're set to graduate December. It was December of 2015. I can't pass it. There's no way you didn't write that one paper. And it was a big grade. And so that just, it devastated me, but I was like, no, not going to stop. So I came back to school and uh, the spring hand I took that class. And so it was in 2016. The, uh, I crossed the stage, got my mental health certificate and then came back and crossed the stage and got my associates degree. So that was in 2016 enrolled into Tarleton state university because I knew at that point I knew I wanted to be a, so I knew my plan on changing is from the inside out. I just, I knew it. I remember when it was the first, the first week of the bachelor's program, one of my professors came to me and was just like, you know, Shannon wanting to talk to you about some, some of your personal stuff. And it's okay if you're not comfortable talking or anything like that, you know, but really need to touch base with you. And I was like, yes, ma'am, you know, I'm good to go. Cause I had that stinking thinking this whole time, I'm not worthy. I'm not good enough. Something's going to happen. You know, the shoe's gonna fall. Right. That's one thing I've always had. And I don't know if I'll ever lose that. You she's like, I just want to let you know that we are aware that you're a foster child, the way that Tarleton does it is we like to keep connection with the adult foster children. And we had a conversation about what that looked like. She goes. So if your professors just kind of checked to see how you're doing, it's not because you're being, they're not nitpick. We're just checking to see if there's anything that you need that maybe you don't have date, your other classmates have access to and you don't have access to. And I was like a mom and a dad, because if I see that answer one more time on one of these questionnaires. But other than that, she also let me know that I was breaking statistics by being enrolled in a bachelor's program. I was like, you, okay, cool. I can, then it hit me until we started working on our papers and I had to research different articles for this. Or for that one day, I was just like, what is the statistics for adult foster children and bachelors programs? And, oh, it was shocking, shocking, just a quick Google search for today. But it was written in 2015 and this is districts are still the same today. 70% of foster youth express an interest in college, but only 10% enrolled of that. 10%, only 3% graduate from college. So I'd already graduated with an associates degree and now I'm enrolled in the bachelor's program. And I remember reading ways. I remember going back to that professor and I was like, you feel like breaking statistics? What do you mean? I was like, stick around because I'm graduating and I'm breaking statistics. And I was like, don't worry about me. You don't need to check in on me because you know, I'm, I'm going to do this. I need to do this because I need to show other people like me, that we can do this. And we can change the system from the inside. I'm fixing change to social work, but stick around. She still checked in on me and a couple other professors checked in on me and I'm okay with that, but don't get me wrong. Nobody gave me a free pass, had to work hard to get them grades. Okay. A lot of sleepless nights pushing through the bachelor's program and doing more research on the side, outside of what was required for my schoolwork going master's level. There's no statistics. Like I couldn't find it. And I'm in a bachelor's program. It's horrible. And I've got access to team, Jillian, scholarly articles, and everywhere you go look and all these different libraries and there's nothing. And so I remember going back to that professor and I was like, man, you need to help me find out what the statistics are for people in grad school. She's like, uh, yeah, no, wait, what do you mean? She's like, we already know that like how many adult foster kids are at Tarleton and the grad school program. She's like not many, how many are in the bachelor's program throughout all targets. And right now there's a handful of y'all sprinkle out between all the campuses. All right. That was it. That was in the conversation. I just kind of did a lot of praying and meditate and go to my 12 step meetings and just sharing. Like, what does that look like? There's no statistics. There's nothing out there. Like I just, I couldn't wrap my brain around, you know? And then the professors are like, okay, so it's time to start enrolling for grad school. And some, some of my friends were like, I want to go to this college or university. I don't want to go to Tulsa. I want to stick around. I'm still trying to process who like me is in grad school, who like me, can I call upon when I need help? I remember, uh, March 1st, 2018, I submitted my 600 word essay to the grad school program. I waited until March 1st, specifically, cause that's my clean date. And in that application I told him, I said, today I'm celebrating, being clean from drugs. And those who were my professors know I've mentioned it in passing, given little glimpse. And those who were my professors know that I'm a foster child. Yeah. I've mentioned it in passing. How freaking amazing it would be. If you guys let me enter your grad school program and together we shattered this statistic. That's not even freaking out through because I haven't found how awesome would it be if I get to be the 1%, because probably what it is 400,000 kids are in the foster care system. 20,000 of those 4,000 kids think about wanting to go to school. You break that statistic all the way down. It that's crap. Social workers gotta do better than that, man. You know, we, we have to do better than that because I held on to, to the fact that I could be a counselor, that I could be a professor that I could do this. I can do that. All I gotta do is get across that stage, seeing some of the struggles that I had and just the, I can't do this. I'm not strong enough. And so I've held on to that trailblazer. I've held onto that breaking statistics. And I graduated in 2019 from grad school. Still haven't found the statistics for those in grad school. I don't even know if
Speaker 2:With your master's degree and social work. Yeah. What was it like on that day, on that graduation day?
Speaker 3:Not only did I get a master's degree in social work, but also got inducted by alpha. Yeah. That indebted, but that's not what stuck out I am. And was the a student no, the year for the masters program, empowering other people to not give up. I was doing that through school, helping people being there. So the day that I graduated, I literally was just like in shock, disbelief, super happy, whole bunch of mixed villains. However, one little piece that I have not shared yet because I wanted to share it at this point when I crossed the stage. And you know, when you graduate all your friends and family holler and scream and this and that, right. When I graduated, my biological mom was sitting in the bleachers. Very, very few people knew my biological mom. She quit using, she got into a situation that placed her in the Colorado penitentiary system. When she got out of prison, she called me up and she's like, I suck. I'm the world's worst mom. And I've been addicted to alcohol for many, many years. If you want to talk to me, this is my numb. And we started working on that relationship. I was still in active addiction when my mom called, my mom has one year on me because it took me a year to get my head out of my butt. Um, I didn't end up in the penitentiary system like she did, but I very well could have very, very well could have we worked on our bond and everything. And I told her, I said, you know, Texas, Waco's like this freaking black hole. Once you get here, just kind of sucks you in, you can't get out. And I've known many people who have left, but they've always come back. So I told my mom, I was like, I need you here. You know, I can't do this with you being in Colorado and I can't leave. So she was there. You know, my, my three children were there. My husband were there. You know, it was there. So many people was there to see me cross the stage. And so it felt really good to show my adult child that it's possible. Don't give up. I wanted to earn that paper. Don't give up.
Speaker 2:When you landed your first job, um, how far from when you graduated to the time you landed, it's your first job? So
Speaker 3:I am definitely not the typical, you know, you graduate, you can go out, look for a job, whatever. No, I did it. I ended up backwards. So what I did was the place where I did my internship at, I knew that one of the caseworkers there was going to be quitting. I really, really wanted that specific job. And so I remember going to my field placement supervisor, um, I remember going and talking to her and telling her, Hey, I know is going to be quitting. How do I apply for her job? She's got to quit. I was like, oh, good point. I was like, well, I want to apply for a job. And she's like, okay, we'll tell you when you can apply. I don't know. Okay. What do I need to do to apply it? She's like, well, you would go online here.[inaudible] whatever. Get your resume together. Cool. No problem. So the last day of my internship, I handed her my resume and I was like, can you once over my resume, she's like, are you serious? I was like, I'm dead serious. I want to apply for a home girl's job. Like, I, I want that job. I know that I'd be amazing at it. She's like, okay. So she reviewed my resume. Just love it. It's amazing. I was like, I know Tarleton likes it too, because it's the exact same one I use in my field class and I got an a on it. So she's like, you are hilarious, Shannon. I'm like, she's like, when are you supposed to graduate? Not until August. Is that going to be a break? She's like, no, you're a bachelor's. I'm like, yeah, I know. She's like, okay, just whatever the job posts you and apply. Okay. The very next day, the job posted the very next day they posted online and I had everything. I had the resume. I had the cover letter and literally had everything I submitted my application. It did take a minute for them to, to lock down everything and make sure that I could power on gain, access into the system, but not gain access into, you know, my chart is, you know, I can't do that. There's rules. My Hauer date was July 8th, 2019 as a bachelor level. Social work, August 9th, 2019. I graduated with my master's degree. I was happy where I was at, but it's soon as I got that proof that I had a master's degree or running into HR. And I was like, check this out job promotion. Right. I originally was hired on to be the hill county Bosky county case manager May 7th, 2021. I was offered a position as the lead regional case manager, when the director was like, we would like to offer you this position. I was like, shut up. I was like, seriously, because I still haven't had that little bit of imposter syndrome. I know that I'm worthy. I know that I'm smart. Not trying to sound cocky, but I know that I know I'm smart. I know I'm worthy. I know that I, I am here for a reason. And I know when I fought back in 2003, with whatever it listen and it gave me a chance and it took a minute for me to get my head out of my, it took me a minute. It took me a minute to let go of the hurts, make room for what help and helping other people helps me. So lead regional case manager with the MSA, my life was crazy. Chaotic, unpredictable as a child, as a young adult. You're scary today. I know as long as I show up to my job and I do my job to the best of my ability, I'm going to get a paycheck. I know that today. My job is amazing. I have 18 years of being drug free. I have three children who are amazing. I have a husband. Who's amazing. I love myself. There's still days that are tough at certain times as a year. Um, I love my mom. I love my foster mom. Yeah. I shared in the beginning of this, the emergency placement, and I had asked to go back to that foster home. I'm still connected to that woman today. I don't have to act out to be loved because I love myself and I didn't love myself back then. I love today. Let go. What hurts to make room for what helps. That's good. It's gotten me through so much. It hurts from when I was a kid. All kinds of hurt stuff that I can't control. Honestly, I don't know if that's some famous quote that's out there. Heard it one day when I was in it in a meeting. And I remember typing in, in my phone, let go of what hurts to make room for what else? I'm honored to be on this podcast. Thank you so much for thinking of me. You definitely one of those professors that I spoke about that wasn't soft on me, but you saw in me, what I didn't see in myself at the time means that you did your job good. And you empowered me and thank you for helping mold me and is who I am today. You're one of the good social workers out there.
Speaker 2:Well, thank you really appreciate you. And I appreciate you for sharing your life with me. Um, it is definitely a privilege pleasure for me, for sure. Thanks. You're welcome care. Monday listeners, what us Ori, what his story. It is so important to know that social workers are human. We are not immune to difficulty struggle challenges in life. We're not immune. There are over 870,000 professionals, social workers in America. That means there are over 870,000 unique life stories that influenced the practice of these social workers, wherever they are within this nation. I just hope that the more than 870,000 professionals workers out there have grabbed hold of the value of their own life story and are using it to elicit resilience and strength for those whom they serve. I hope they are given voice to the voiceless, but more importantly, helping the voice less to get a voice so that they can tell their own stories. What you heard from my guests through this interview was her process of self and social awareness, as well as her process of getting to a place of healing. You heard bouts of decision-making influenced by misfortune and a series of life lessons that led her to live life on purpose. You heard her pursuit for a better life, and now her pursuit to realize a better specialized area within the social work profession. She had a story was a story of triumph, a story of triumph that I hope inspired you to recognize the value of your own story of your own history. You don't have to be a social worker to use your real life experience, to uplift the life of another. You don't need training for that. There is absolutely no need for training for that. So I challenge you to go public with your own history, go public with your own history and do it courageously without reservation or shame because you never know whose life you will change for the better I enjoyed hearing. Shannon's empowering life story today. If you enjoy listening to this episode, write a review to share your thoughts, share this podcast episode with others and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. To keep up with this show, connect with me through email, send messages to S S inspired cast@gmail.com S S inspired cast at Gmail that com until next time, Sunday listeners live on purpose.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening to Sundays with Chevelle subscribe, wherever you listen to podcasts and be sure to tune in next time for another social work inspired episode. Bye-bye.